Entry 17: Sick...

gg...

i am sick...

not the mentally type...
that many of my friends and sometimes i myself think i am...

but the physically, literally type...
the ill sick...

sickness always brought about 3 things for me...

one is constant hunger...
maybe due to the medication i take...
i always feel hungry...
but with a distinct lack of appetite...

the first of the very contradicting set-ups...

the second thing that comes along with sickness is alertness...
somehow i feel physically tired...
but mentally very alert...
tired but alert...
another contradicting set-up...

and finally...
a constant stream of dreams...
each time i manage to catch some shut-eye...
my sleep would always be occupied with waves after waves of dreams...

funny dreams...
incoherent, random things and people...
and although they lack meaning or substance...
they always do a good job disturbing my sleep...
and i find myself waking up abruptly for no reasons...

though i did have a very unique dream the night before...
one where i dreamt that i was dreaming and could not wake up from the dream...
in the dream...
i was aware that i was dreaming...
but no matter what i try to do...
i cannot wake up...
almost to a state where i really felt i am not going to wake up again...

then again...
was my mind not waking me up because it register the want to wake up as part of my natural reaction within the dream itself...
or the wanting to wake up was indeed part of the dream itself...
the consciousness i felt was no more than illusions fabricated by my dream?...

matrix stuff...

hahaha...

still...
the important thing is...

I AM SICK~!...

f...~! ...