this week has been more than mundane...
as in...
it is more mundane than mundane...
if there is such a thing...
some how the whole week just lack that spark...
that something so that i can either be all jolly or all miserable...
this week is right smack in the middle...
centered in the mediocrity of boredom...
not an ounce more...
not an ounce less...
just right...
just outright suck...
and it is not my job...
seriously...
i kind of like the idea that my job gave me the capacity to learn so many new words...
or learn so much about words i thought i have learnt...
thank you...
dictionary.com...
one of my teach once told me...
over a serious coffee session...
where she needed to know if i was suffering from depression...
was i miserable...
was i going to do myself off...
was i affecting others...
but i guess i was really just puzzled and confused about life...
anyway that is kind of another story of another time...
but what she said to me got engraved in my mind forever...
"people with ideology are usually people who are miserable..."
ignorance is bliss...
and it is true...
when u begin to question...
begin to ponder...
it is so easy to get lost in the waves of thoughts and emotions...
where objective thinking slowly renders emotions and desires irrational...
u need an answer...
a meaning...
a logic...
something hidden...
truth behind all else...
so drawn in finding an answer that u forgot maybe not looking is the key...
simply living according to ur emotions and desires is the true happiness...
why ask what is life...
why not just live life...
and being a questioner...
how do i rid of these wonders...
and simply listen to my heart...
without living with my brain?...
i guess i am screwed....
and the worst part is...
if i were more intelligent...
i would at least come off smart...
like a philosopher...
now i am just plain miserable and screwed....
hahaha...
like why there is no perfect handphone with all the functions users want...
i mean just ask the Crocs who shot themselves in their feet by creating the world most indestructible footwear...
have u ever wondered why games always restrict u one way or another...
that despite certain titles coming close...
no games is ever a truly open sandbox?...
well this is not one of those questions in my head by the way...
the thing is a game is somewhere people try to seek refuge in...
and what are we hiding?...
the endless decisions and choices that we have to go through...
imagine a game that makes u go through all those things...
then would it be a successful game really?...
do u want to run a way from this world to another where u basically do the same kind of thing...
and finally...
this sounds like there is a structure to this post...
which indeed there is...
u see i jotted down random points onto a piece of paper...
not in an organised manner...
more of a forgetful way...
so finally...
i am not sure if i have asked this before...
but if u are allowed to go back in time to change one decision u have made...
what would it be?...
remember just one choice...
one choice that u find have a major impact on the rest of ur life...
and if u were to die at this moment...
what do u think are the events and people that defines u...
that if someone were to write an autobiography...
these would form the chapters of the book...
i know the people that defined me...
or i sort of think they did...
i know events that made me...
these things slowly changed me...
made me the person i am...
if there is a chance for me to change them...
what would i have done otherwise...
and more importantly...
do i want to change them really...
PS: H.A.L.O. would be implemented shortly... hee hee...
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