an absolutely amazing thing happened to me today...
i went for lunch with my colleagues at an unfamiliar territory...
along the way i went to draw some cash...
and they moved on without me...
under normal circumstances...
that would be ok...
i mean given today's technology...
what can go wrong right?...
well...
things can really go wrong...
turns out i do not have their numbers...
so my phone is useless...
and even thought i know perfectly well where we are eating at...
i cannot find the place...
and for the first time in many...
many years...
i felt lost...
a slight bit of panic did hit me...
i know there is no way i can find them...
even if i managed to find the place...
will they be there...
thankfully during my futile attempt to call my friend and seek assistance...
i bump into my colleague who was looking for me...
funny thing is...
while i was lost...
i struggle to resist this strong urge to laugh...
i thought the entire situation is simply comical...
i experience a kind of boyish bewilderment...
something i have not felt for a long time...
to be honest...
i think i kind of enjoyed that...
how the world likes to hit u with such irony...
mere days ago...
i was with another group of friends...
and midway the group got separated and we cannot find each other...
i was making a not so wise crack..
tell my friend how we should now go search lostgowhere.com...
ya...
lostgowhere...
life is sometimes full of surprises...
which brings me to sidetrack a little...
valkyrie by paulo coelho is a good read...
surprisingly...
this book gave me more spiritual enlightenment than his acclaimed work the alchemist...
i have the desire to reread the alchemist just to see whether my state of mind at the moment i read the book hinder me from investing possible spiritual affection to the story...
yet valkyrie...
i was good...
how we all feel ashamed...
how we all destroy ourselves...
the things we love...
because we are afraid...
because we hate...
because we think we are unworthy of the heaven behind those gates...
while dragging my feet through a beginning to become routine and mundane life...
i was hit by a sequence of unfortunate and blissful events...
some part are pure dreadful...
though i believe i can live through it...
i hate the struggle...
for mere weeks ago i thought my life would be set straight...
only to realize the hidden current of fate that once again threaten to pull me towards the abyss...
i do not fear the events as much...
because i feel i can live through...
i may be humbled...
defeated...
but i will survive...
yet i hate this struggle...
the unorderly in what i begin to hope would be orderly...
and blow by blow...
i was hit...
yet i have more or less become immune to it...
i no longer feel the deep sense of fear or despair i used to...
i feel tranquil...
waiting for the rough waves to past...
yet amidst all that is happening...
i also find a sense of bliss...
i suddenly feel a strong drive...
to have ownership of something...
to commit to any idea...
to occupy myself...
to make use of my life...
and i realized what i am after may not be as impossible as i think...
perhaps i was after the simple joys in life...
hard to believe...
but so hard to achieve in the complicated world of today...
i spent 2 days with my friends doing nothing...
virtually nothing to do...
we forced ourselves to play video games that we have long go tired of...
engage in activities we know we would not enjoy...
destroyed my sleeping pattern knowing i will suffer when the weekends come to an end...
yet at the end of the 2 days...
i felt a strange sense happiness...
the one that excite ur spirit...
causes ur adrenaline to rush...
but a simple sense of bliss...
satisfaction...
like my soul was filled with substance...
a connection to the world i have long foregone...
and today...
while i helped shifted monstrous load of boxes in preparation of a move...
how the box of whatever contents nudge only that slight bit as i forced all my energy onto it...
i can't help but chuckle...
i would have laughed outright if not for the social constraint i have placed upon myself to not embarrass myself...
i was having fun...
toying with the box...
trying to shift it to the corner...
trying to triumph over it...
and i wanted to laugh...
how helpless i was...
i was a fool...
such boyish bewilderment...
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