Entry 58: The Big Empty...

the big empty...

for those of u interested...
there is actually a short film starring Salma Blair with the same name...
the short film...
which i guess the best access to it would be through youtube...
talks about the inner struggle of a girl...
who is dealing with the big empty...
the film uses a physical metaphor to depict this emotional void through a sort of a phenomenon of her body...
something which i do not want to explicitly mention...
i think if u want to see the short film...
see it for what its worth and not because the body part in question where this phenomenon occurs happened to be a sensitive location which is NSFW to shout out its name in ur office...
unless u work in a dirty factory like how the now in limbo web series CartoonHangover mentioned in their intro...

anyway i side tracked quite abit because i have no intention to talk about the short film or the webseries when i say the big empty...

but first...
while i knew that i have not updated my blog in awhile...
i have no idea it has been so long....
it has been a month...
the weeks just slip passed unnoticed...

talking about today's date...
someone on twitter brought my attention to it that today is....
090210...
at least in us date format...
i wonder whether they will use this as a marketing tool...
have some 090210 reunion or something...
is the show still running?...

ok i have side tracked again...
the thing is...
as u drift along with life...
live the days out...
have u ever stop and realise that u have covered a lot of track in this seemingly long, winding road to hell...
yet for all these ground...
what have u gained?...
how much have u enjoyed the journey?...
did u take in any scenery?...

i feel so stuck in the motion of moving forward...
live the days...
the weeks...
the months...
not looking for anything in particular...
just moving forward...

what is there to look forward to?...
what can i look forward to?...

am i going to live my life...
and realise at my end that it has all been a big phony...

it was just a big empty...

i feel an urge to do some creative work...
no...
not the forced to be creative over the span of a few sleepless days in order to deliver some promise that is gradually losing its sparkles...

its amazing how many times i allow myself to tell myself that next time i will not rush things...
i will start early...
only to rush things in the end...
sometimes i fear that the rush is something that...
ok i admit i enjoy such rush...
but i don't think i can allow myself to indulge so much in it...
i need to get things in order...
live a more mundane...
regular life...

kw...
i promise the next will be better...
i will work harder...

but yes...
i feel the urge to do some creative work...
but what...
this is not particularly good since i know sooner or later the feeling will wear off...
and i will find an excuse to pause...
then stop...
then abandon...

more importantly...
what should i do?...
write?
draw?
what?